There are lots of things, yes, on the Internets

At the newsroom the other day we got a press release from this guy. He has a book and a blog all about how to protect yourself from a dog attack. Apparently, postal workers who learn these methods have nothing more to fear.

http://www.fearnodog.blogspot.com/

Here are some highlights:

As seen in the above photo, Coach Melvin uses one of his numerous techniques---the edge of a heavy book quickly and continuously jabbed at the nose & mouth---to thwart a vicious dog attack.

Master Phil G. Ross, 7th Degree Black Belt Master Instructor
"I slammed the dog's head into a nearby wall and pinned him there until the owner arrived."

Professor Carl Totton, Taoist Institute
"... I front snap-kicked the dog... "

In case you are wondering I have never front snap-kicked a dog. I prefer the Cesar Milan method. Ssst. Ssst.

Roger Ebert

Ebert is an American Institution. I don't always agree but I am always amused.

Here's his take on Rush Hour 3

If you are trapped in a rainstorm in front of a theater playing this picture, by all means go right in. You won't have a bad time, will feel affectionate toward Lee and Carter, and stay dry.

There's a zen like quality to that that I love. But my favorite review the man has ever written was about The Country Bears.

Here is a story about a young music fan who persuades his favorite band to reunite after 10 years for a concert--and the fan and the band members are all bears. Why they are bears, I do not know. Do they know they are bears? Not necessarily. Do any of the humans mention that they are bears? Only in passing. Are there real bears in the woods who would maul and eat their victims, or are all bears benign in this world? These are not questions one is expected to pose about a movie based on a stage show at Disney World. We simply have to accept that some of the characters in the movie are people and others are bears, and get on with it. If Stuart Little's family can have a 2-inch mouse as a son, then why not musical bears? We must celebrate diversity.

All of Ebert's reviews are free on his Web site www.rogerebert.com And you can go back 20 or thirty years and read the old ones about great and not so great flicks. People complain that Ebert is too kind to trashy movies. I just think he's mellowed and he understands that when he doesn't understand something it is probably meant for a different audience.

Here's his take on Scooby-Doo

I am not the person to review this movie. I have never seen the "Scooby-Doo" television program, and on the basis of the film I have no desire to start now.

And then this

I am unable to generate the slightest interest in the plot, and I laughed not a single time, although I smiled more than once at the animated Scooby-Doo himself, an island of amusement in a wasteland of fecklessness.

Mad Men

It's so hard to be rich and successful. I wouldn't know from experience but thankfully we have Mad Men. The show is about a group of young advertising executives in the 1960s. Don Draper is rich and powerful he has an ex-model for a wife, two kids, a big house, a dog, several mistresses, an endless supply of booze and everything else that goes along with the American Dream.
The problem, of course, is that Don knows the American Dream is a lie, he helps create the lie every day at work.
If you ever wanted to watch a show about the ennui that sits at the heart of America, well, here it is.
This show is great and wonderfully boring. I know your thinking how can it be great and boring at the same time well in every episode, nothing much happens. I mean, think about it, he's an ad exec in New York. They're not exactly tracking down criminals in every episode, saving sick people in a buzzing emergency room or representing the downtrodden in court.
But boring equals great. Because instead of standard plot each episode delves a little deeper into the emotional lives of the characters. It's a show about the lives we tell ourselves and how we rationalize away decency and goodness in favor of a bigger car or a larger salary.
You can have it all kids, the trick is living with yourself when you get it.

Mad Men Store

The end of the year in links

Thank God this year is almost over.

Wired has the top crimes of 2008.

In September, a robber disguised as a gardener pepper-sprayed an armored car driver using a pesticide sprayer and ran off with a bag stuffed with $400,000 in cash. When police arrived seconds later, they found the sidewalk crowded with dozens of men decked out in the same attire as the perp: blue shirt, Day-Glo vest, safety mask and glasses. While the cops hacked through a forest of suspects, the real perp fled to a nearby creek and escaped in a waiting inner tube.

Hey Political Junky Feast

Steve Jobs is loved by his employees.

George W. Bush on the other hand ...

The Most Anticipated movies of 2009. I still haven't seen this year's Coen Brothers.

Speaking of movies, Harry Knowles is Mr. Sensitive.

I used to get upset because Wizard Magazine always had Wolverine on the cover. But Time has them beat with Obamamania.

Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus and a $99 iPhone.

And Finally, the most important thing on the Internets this week ...
Babylon 5 music videos




Oh Yeah, 2009 is looking much much better now.

Sean Penned

Vacation 2 Brady 0. Every time I go on vacation I get sick. Well, every time lately. The wife also gets sick. I think vacation has it in for me. Anyway, for Christmas I got a bunch of DVDs from my mother-in-law. She got them from the $2 bin at Wal-Mart.

lets start with the Sean Penns.
We got Mystic River and the Interpreter. I had seen both before, no wait, I have only seen parts of the Interpreter because it is so horrible and I keep zoning out. Mystic River on the other hand is greatness. Sean Penn is excellent in Mystic River, there is a solid supporting cast and Clint Eastwood directs.
The Interpreter, not so much.
Mystic River is a great crime story about South Boston that includes wonderful lines like when Kevin Bacon, the homicide detective, wonders how he's going to explain to his old buddy, the gangster, that his daughter has been murdered.
"God said you owed another marker, and he came to collect.''
The Interpreter, not so much.



Useless IMDB trivia for Mystic River: Dennis Lehane, author of the novel "Mystic River", can be seen waving from the back of a convertible in the parade sequence.

I Just Bought a batch of comics

With some of my Christmas money. The Wife's gonna be mad when she finds out how much I spent. But till then we can review what we got.

Doktor Sleepless 8, 9 This book finally has a decent payoff. Ellis has said he's doing a long form novel but till now it felt like useless meandering in need of a point. Issue 8 gives us a point. An incredibly depressing and anti-life affirming point but still, it's a point. Issue 9 sets us off in another direction. I'm still buying this but my patience grows ... thin.

Astonishing X-Men Ghost Boxes 1 and 2. I don't know if any of you have read Ruins. It was essentially, Warren Ellis, making Very Bad Things happen to the Marvel heroes. It was gallows humor and very, very British. Essentially in the ruins world radiation did not turn people into super heroes. Instead, it acted like radiation and you know killed or mutated people horribly. The Ghost Boxes acts as a sequel to Ruins only with the X-Men. Ellis loves alternate universes, probably cause he can make Very Bad Things happen to all those characters you love.

Usagi Yojimbo 115 116, every issue of Usagi Yojimbo is an instant classic and if you are not buying this book you suck. Ummmm that is all.

Ex Machina 40, The writer and artist of ExMachina put themselves in the comic. Also, there are Dracula Werebears. Dracula Werebears people! Again this is must reading.

Punisher 62- 65 After finishing this story you come to the shocking realization that you have spent $12 for a Jigsaw story and Jigsaw didn't show up till the last issue. Also, it sucked. Hard.

Tomorrow, is Sean Penn day. See you then.

Merry Festivus

You may begin airing grievances with this blog, now.