There are lots of things, yes, on the Internets

At the newsroom the other day we got a press release from this guy. He has a book and a blog all about how to protect yourself from a dog attack. Apparently, postal workers who learn these methods have nothing more to fear.

http://www.fearnodog.blogspot.com/

Here are some highlights:

As seen in the above photo, Coach Melvin uses one of his numerous techniques---the edge of a heavy book quickly and continuously jabbed at the nose & mouth---to thwart a vicious dog attack.

Master Phil G. Ross, 7th Degree Black Belt Master Instructor
"I slammed the dog's head into a nearby wall and pinned him there until the owner arrived."

Professor Carl Totton, Taoist Institute
"... I front snap-kicked the dog... "

In case you are wondering I have never front snap-kicked a dog. I prefer the Cesar Milan method. Ssst. Ssst.

Roger Ebert

Ebert is an American Institution. I don't always agree but I am always amused.

Here's his take on Rush Hour 3

If you are trapped in a rainstorm in front of a theater playing this picture, by all means go right in. You won't have a bad time, will feel affectionate toward Lee and Carter, and stay dry.

There's a zen like quality to that that I love. But my favorite review the man has ever written was about The Country Bears.

Here is a story about a young music fan who persuades his favorite band to reunite after 10 years for a concert--and the fan and the band members are all bears. Why they are bears, I do not know. Do they know they are bears? Not necessarily. Do any of the humans mention that they are bears? Only in passing. Are there real bears in the woods who would maul and eat their victims, or are all bears benign in this world? These are not questions one is expected to pose about a movie based on a stage show at Disney World. We simply have to accept that some of the characters in the movie are people and others are bears, and get on with it. If Stuart Little's family can have a 2-inch mouse as a son, then why not musical bears? We must celebrate diversity.

All of Ebert's reviews are free on his Web site www.rogerebert.com And you can go back 20 or thirty years and read the old ones about great and not so great flicks. People complain that Ebert is too kind to trashy movies. I just think he's mellowed and he understands that when he doesn't understand something it is probably meant for a different audience.

Here's his take on Scooby-Doo

I am not the person to review this movie. I have never seen the "Scooby-Doo" television program, and on the basis of the film I have no desire to start now.

And then this

I am unable to generate the slightest interest in the plot, and I laughed not a single time, although I smiled more than once at the animated Scooby-Doo himself, an island of amusement in a wasteland of fecklessness.

Mad Men

It's so hard to be rich and successful. I wouldn't know from experience but thankfully we have Mad Men. The show is about a group of young advertising executives in the 1960s. Don Draper is rich and powerful he has an ex-model for a wife, two kids, a big house, a dog, several mistresses, an endless supply of booze and everything else that goes along with the American Dream.
The problem, of course, is that Don knows the American Dream is a lie, he helps create the lie every day at work.
If you ever wanted to watch a show about the ennui that sits at the heart of America, well, here it is.
This show is great and wonderfully boring. I know your thinking how can it be great and boring at the same time well in every episode, nothing much happens. I mean, think about it, he's an ad exec in New York. They're not exactly tracking down criminals in every episode, saving sick people in a buzzing emergency room or representing the downtrodden in court.
But boring equals great. Because instead of standard plot each episode delves a little deeper into the emotional lives of the characters. It's a show about the lives we tell ourselves and how we rationalize away decency and goodness in favor of a bigger car or a larger salary.
You can have it all kids, the trick is living with yourself when you get it.

Mad Men Store

The end of the year in links

Thank God this year is almost over.

Wired has the top crimes of 2008.

In September, a robber disguised as a gardener pepper-sprayed an armored car driver using a pesticide sprayer and ran off with a bag stuffed with $400,000 in cash. When police arrived seconds later, they found the sidewalk crowded with dozens of men decked out in the same attire as the perp: blue shirt, Day-Glo vest, safety mask and glasses. While the cops hacked through a forest of suspects, the real perp fled to a nearby creek and escaped in a waiting inner tube.

Hey Political Junky Feast

Steve Jobs is loved by his employees.

George W. Bush on the other hand ...

The Most Anticipated movies of 2009. I still haven't seen this year's Coen Brothers.

Speaking of movies, Harry Knowles is Mr. Sensitive.

I used to get upset because Wizard Magazine always had Wolverine on the cover. But Time has them beat with Obamamania.

Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus and a $99 iPhone.

And Finally, the most important thing on the Internets this week ...
Babylon 5 music videos




Oh Yeah, 2009 is looking much much better now.

Sean Penned

Vacation 2 Brady 0. Every time I go on vacation I get sick. Well, every time lately. The wife also gets sick. I think vacation has it in for me. Anyway, for Christmas I got a bunch of DVDs from my mother-in-law. She got them from the $2 bin at Wal-Mart.

lets start with the Sean Penns.
We got Mystic River and the Interpreter. I had seen both before, no wait, I have only seen parts of the Interpreter because it is so horrible and I keep zoning out. Mystic River on the other hand is greatness. Sean Penn is excellent in Mystic River, there is a solid supporting cast and Clint Eastwood directs.
The Interpreter, not so much.
Mystic River is a great crime story about South Boston that includes wonderful lines like when Kevin Bacon, the homicide detective, wonders how he's going to explain to his old buddy, the gangster, that his daughter has been murdered.
"God said you owed another marker, and he came to collect.''
The Interpreter, not so much.



Useless IMDB trivia for Mystic River: Dennis Lehane, author of the novel "Mystic River", can be seen waving from the back of a convertible in the parade sequence.

I Just Bought a batch of comics

With some of my Christmas money. The Wife's gonna be mad when she finds out how much I spent. But till then we can review what we got.

Doktor Sleepless 8, 9 This book finally has a decent payoff. Ellis has said he's doing a long form novel but till now it felt like useless meandering in need of a point. Issue 8 gives us a point. An incredibly depressing and anti-life affirming point but still, it's a point. Issue 9 sets us off in another direction. I'm still buying this but my patience grows ... thin.

Astonishing X-Men Ghost Boxes 1 and 2. I don't know if any of you have read Ruins. It was essentially, Warren Ellis, making Very Bad Things happen to the Marvel heroes. It was gallows humor and very, very British. Essentially in the ruins world radiation did not turn people into super heroes. Instead, it acted like radiation and you know killed or mutated people horribly. The Ghost Boxes acts as a sequel to Ruins only with the X-Men. Ellis loves alternate universes, probably cause he can make Very Bad Things happen to all those characters you love.

Usagi Yojimbo 115 116, every issue of Usagi Yojimbo is an instant classic and if you are not buying this book you suck. Ummmm that is all.

Ex Machina 40, The writer and artist of ExMachina put themselves in the comic. Also, there are Dracula Werebears. Dracula Werebears people! Again this is must reading.

Punisher 62- 65 After finishing this story you come to the shocking realization that you have spent $12 for a Jigsaw story and Jigsaw didn't show up till the last issue. Also, it sucked. Hard.

Tomorrow, is Sean Penn day. See you then.

Merry Festivus

You may begin airing grievances with this blog, now.

Rick Bragg

Rick Bragg writes about a South I've never seen. Or maybe that's not true, I saw it once, as a child, but it went by so quickly that it exists only in autumn fragments.

Ricky writes about knife fights, screaming muscle cars and whiskey. About fathers who tried to do right but failed and mothers so saintly that their heavenly halos must be made of the finest gold and encrusted with diamonds.
Which is to say that his stories are a little flowery. But they are damn fine and they are true. Every time I read one of his books it's like listening to my father tell stories. Or my grandmother or just about any person I know with a Southern accent and an honest heart.

My mother and my grandmother met Bragg several years ago. I was a cub reporter in the midst of one of the hardest times of my life. I was about to get fired. Later, my mother would tell me about how stressed out I was and what a difference it was when I left that place and went to the closest thing I have ever found to a sane newsroom.
I don't know what was said but my mother must have told him where I was and how I was struggling. She asked him to sign three books for me.

My copy of the dedication page of All Over but the Shoutin' reads this way: To my momma and my brothers. And to Brady, From one writer to another. It gets easier.

Ricky, thanks man. It absolutely did get easier.

Bragg Books

Shhhh

We've been working hard and now we're resting.

And Lo there shall come a birthday

Today I am thirty. My gift to you, Links of Interest.

Leverage, is the best new show in TeeVee. Here, show creator John Rogers takes you behind the con.

Look, a funny comic about Warren Ellis.

Look, another funny comic about Warren Ellis.

Don't Look, Warren Ellis.

Yay, Free money.

Boo, free money.

Sean Hannity lies a lot. No, really.

The Music Cartels start to wise up.

Not.

And finally, the most important thing on the Internet's this week. Umm, I just told you, I'm 30. Well, that and I once met Hulk Hogan.

Don't Do Business With ...

This may become a regular feature.

In this edition of Don't Do Business With ... I want to tell you about an insurance company called Gainesco. I was driving on Business 98 in October when I looked in my rearview mirror and saw a truck zooming right for me.

"That guy is going to hit me," I said to myself. A few seconds later he did, hard. He knocked me into another car. No one was hurt but I had about $4,000 worth of damage. Unfortunetly he had Gainsco. They didn't pay. They said he was late on a payment. I asked when they canceled his insurance. They refused to answer any more questions.

In short, this company owes me $4,000. I know I'll never see it but please feel free to share this story with your friends and link to this page if you can. The only way to get back at companies like this is to tell as many people as you know not to do business with them. Some other day I'll have to tell you about Tyndall Federal Credit Union. Sweet heavens don't give them any of your money.

Homicide

Pulling one hand from the warmth of a pocket, Jay Landsman squats down to grab the dead man's chin, pushing the head to one side until the wound becomes visible as a small, ovate hole, oozing red and white. "Here's your problem," he said. "He's got a slow leak."

Every other year I reread Homicide: A year on the killing streets by David Simon. It's more than 600 pages of behind the scenes cop greatness. Like the title suggests Simon, a reporter with the Baltimore Sun, spent a year with the murder police in his city. He reports back on the bureaucracy, idiot suspects and crazy cops who sweep up the bodies and try to catch killers.
There are no white knights, no people seeking vengeance and precious few of them who are even concerned with justice. But what these detectives are, are people who ferociously love their work and take pride in what they do ... well, most of the time.

The book inspired two television shows, Homicide and The Wire. Homicide took stories and the real characters from the book and was one of the best cop shows Evah. The Wire was something more and we'll talk about it some other time.

I'm watching season 7 of Homicide now. I've seen the other seasons but always washed out before season 7.
Know why? Cause Andre Braugher left the show. Andre Braugher played Frank Pembleton, the hard headed, arrogant investigators who was the Beethoven of interrogations. Pembleton rocked, until they gave him a stroke. Then he recovered and finally he left. He came back for the reunion movie though.

I leave you with some Pembleton goodness.

Pembleton: You're not Catholic and you took communion?
Bayliss: Yeah. Is that wrong?
Pembleton: If my God wins, you're screwed.

Homicide The Complete Series Seasons 1-7 DVD SET
Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets
The Wire: The Complete Series

Some Reviews

Here are some random comics sitting around the house

New Universal Conquerer makes absolutely no sense. Please, please comic writer and artist type people when you convince Marvel Comics to let you write and draw a comic you must also stipulate that the comic make sense. Umm there's a big guy with a sword, a corrupt wizard and a victim. I don't know that I could explain any more than that. And believe it or not, I get paid to explain things.

Jonah Hex 38 - Jonah Hex is a great property, I mean sure it is essentially an amalgam of Clint Eastwood stereotypes but hey those old Clint western's rule. In this issue Jonah settles a family dispute, with, you know, rattlesnakes. It rocks.
I do kind of miss the old Tim Truman / Joe Landsdale collaboration. The mixed in horror elements. The latest series has ignored all of that in favor of straight ahead westerns. But, in each issue you get a complete story. Wonderfulness.

RASL 3: This book doesn't make any sense either. But Jeff Smith draws purty and I am convinced that one day it will all make sense. Issue two had an amazing ending. Except, that I sold issue 1 and 2 to some guy in India so I can't find the quote I'm looking for. Anyway, it's about a thief who can jump between realities. Bob Dylan seems to be involved in some way. Come on, you know that is most excellent.

That is all.

Three Good Songs

My cousin reviewed the new Guns an Roses album thusly, "It doesn't sound like Guns and Roses."
He hated it but he's wrong. The new GNR album is exactly like all the other GNR albums. They don't sound alike of course, the first album, Appetite for Destruction is a mean heavy metal album. The next two, Use Your Illusion 1 and Use Your Illusion 2 were hard rock records that added some 70s balladry to the mix. The latest, Chinese Democracy, is a hodge podge of different styles and eras.
While they may all sound diffrent they are all exactly the same. Why? Because they all have exactly three good songs.

Appetite had Paradise City, Sweet Child of Mine and Welcome to the Jungle. Personally, I never need to hear Sweet Child or Welcome to the Jungle again but Paradise City hits the spot every time. You can make a case for Rocket Queen or My Michelle I suppose but, if you are honest with yourself you would have to agree that those two tunes are just good filler. Plus, the story behind Rocket Queen ewww.

Use Your Illusion 1: Live and Let Die, Don't Cry and November Rain. See how easy this is.

Use Your Illusion 2: Civil War, 14 Years, and Yesterdays. Knockin on Heavens Door may be the exception that proves the rule.

Chinese Democracy: Better, Street of Dreams, If the World. These three make up the early middle of the album. Just turn it off after If The World. I promise you won't miss anything.

Appetite for Destruction [Vinyl]

Use Your Illusion II

Use Your Illusion I

Chinese Democracy (180 Gram Vinyl, with Bonus MP3 Download of Entire Album)

Fear the Rat Dog

Fear The Rat Dog. I don't feel like writing anything today. This will have to do.

Mere Christianity

C.S. Lewis was a man of great faith but he never left reason behind. To Lewis being a Christian was the most reasonable choice a person could make. He argued, unashamed, all of his life that the answers people were searching for could be found in the bible.
Mere Christianity is his masterpiece, an orderly discussion about God and human nature and reasons why the universe is the way it is.
Lewis was a professor at Oxford, a Christian apologist and a fantasy writer. I am often reminded of him, and this book, when an atheist or agnostic argues that the bible is a collection of fairy tales.
I am reminded of him again when faithful Christians argue against science that they claim contradicts The Word.


Mere Christianity

The Internet and you

Each Saturday we compile the best of the internet. Fear not the list, fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

Clint Eastwood plays a racist. Everybody loves it.

No Steve Jobs at MacWorld? That is unpossible.

Advice for unemployed journalists. I'm not unemployed yet but ...

Cheap gifts for this Christmas. I still want Vader toast.

This guy wins for most posts in a single day by a single blogger.

Apparently, I need stratergy.

Your friends at Fox News can barely contain themselves.

Michael Moore says Washington sold out the working class to the rich by not bailing out Detroit. Ummm, isn't that what democracy is all about?

And The Most Important Thing on the Internets this week: Media Matters chronicles the worst people in the world this year. Michael Savage makes the list four times. I am shocked. Shocked I tell you.

Fast Fiction Friday II

This is a comic script. If you are a comic artist and feel like working for free please drop me a line brady122078@hotmail.com. If you hate it, well, shut up.


Zeus, done in oil, on black clouds and surrounded by lightning


Page 1 Panel 1
A thin redhead girl is lying in bed. She's got a slight case of bed head and a big smile. She's watching her lover get dressed.
VO
Foolish girl. What was I thinking.
Page 1 Panel 2
The lover, a man in his late 30s with Reed Richard's temples and Bruce Wayne's build. He's clearly aristocratic and little vain. He's wearing black pants and a black suit jacket over a blue buttonless shirt. No tie.

Page 2
Panel 1
Our redhead is in a bookstore looking at Robert Graves Greek mythology.
VO
Was it the book?
Panel 2
(Reed Richards)
Studying for a test?
REDHEAD
Huh? (then she realizes he's cute)
Umm hello.
Panel 3
(Reed)
I'm sorry dear. No one ever picks up Graves, unless they're taking something strange down at the community college.
REDHEAD
Nothing strange. I just like the stories.
Panel 4
(REED)
Right, well I recommend Graves' I Claudius. Claudius was a bit duller than Graves' interpretation but all those Roman betrayals make for a good bedtime story.
REDHEAD
I Claudius was excellent are you watching Rome on HBO?
(REED)
I'm sorry. Is that a television show?
Panel 5 and 6
REDHEAD
So, he doesn't know everything.
(She tucks her hair behind her ear)
Do you know where a girl can get a good cup of coffee at this hour?
(REED)
Certainly. Right this way.
Panel 7
Black with just a voice over.
I'm Denise
Yes you are. I am Seth.

Page 3

Panel 1 (black panel)
Voice Over Denise
Come on girl. The coffee wasn't that good.
Panel 2
Seth turns to face Denise. He looks slightly sinister.
Seth
Now then, my dear
Panel 3 and 4
He moves quickly towards her so that his face is close to hers.
Seth
Breakfast will be pancakes, sausage, toast and apples juice.
Denise
I don't have anything, umm morningish to wear.
Panel 5
SETH
I think you invented a new word.
I have some shirts and boxers in the dresser here that might meet with your approval.

PAGE 4
Panel 1
Denise stands up and gets dressed.
The hardwood floor is nice and cold.
VO
Come on girl, get it together.
Panel 2
Denise walks over to the window and looks outside.
Panel 3
Cut to outside We're at an isolated farmhouse covered in snow. There is a barn in the distance and two cars parked at the door.
Panel 4
Denise runs her finger in a circle along the frosted window pane creating an impression.
Panel 5
Denise squiqqles her fingers in the circle.
Panel 6
From outside looking in we see that Denise has created a star inside a circle. Maybe less points or more points than a pentagram. Denise is walking away from the window.

PAGE 5
Panel 1 - 3 As we (and Denise) walk through the farmhouse we notice than SETH is quite Spartan. There are few nick knacks, no pictures, or signs of novelty. There are quite a few books scattered and placed in odd corners.
SETH is cooking
Panel 4
DENISE
Link sausage or, you know, patty?
Panel 5
SETH
Nevermind the sausage girl. Have some of this apple juice. It's the pride of this state and the apple juice of the Gods.
DENISE
I think you might have oversold it.
Panel 6
Denise takes a long gulp.
DENISE
Damnnnnn.

Page 6
Seth and Denise are eating
SETH
So what do you think of the place?
DENISE
It's gorgeous.
Panel 2
SETH
It's warm in the winter. The summer's infernal though so I usually skip out to the mountains or well, whichever city I haven't been to in a while.
Panel 3
DENISE
That seems like a lot of travel for a carpenter.
SETH
Well my parents were very secure and they died when I was young and that left me very secure.
Panel 4
DENISE
And by secure you mean rich?
SETH
Filthy.
DENISE
Well, there are worse things to be I suppose.
Panel 5
SETH
And how about you? Do you travel much?
DENISE
Oh, sometimes when they are displaying my work somewhere. Mostly though I stay home. I like places but I don't much care for most people.
SETH
Well, who does.

PAGE 7
DENISE
Lately, thought I haven't painted much. I've been uninspired. That's why I was looking at that book on the Greek gods. I was hoping for a motivator.
SETH
Humans, should never paint the God's. It's disrespectful.
The Muslims, the Jews and most sensible Christians think it's a bad idea to try to create a painting or a totem to represent their God. Too often those symbols become the focus of the worship instead of the god himself.
Panel 2
Denise is making a point with her fork.
DENISE
Sure, but those guys worship God with a capital Go. I'm talking about the Greek Gods. The ones no one pays attention too anymore.
Panel 3
Seth (slightly perturbed)
Always be careful of the God's behind you, they may be ready to strike. You don't want to end up in the cyclops den with Ulysses.
DENISE
Well, if I have to go better to be with Ulysses than anyone else. At least he knows the way out.
Panel 4
Seth laughs
Panel 5
Seth
Good show.

Page 8
Panel 1
DENISE
So.
SETH
So.
DENISE
We need to talk.
SETH
I thought we were.
Panel 2
DENISE
No, I mean about this. I don't do this. I'm not this kind of girl.
SETH
You don't eat breakfast
DENISE
You know what I mean
Panel 3
SETH
Yes, I'm afraid I do.
DENISE
Listen, never mind I was wrong. Let's not talk. Forget it. Let's not do the thing.
SETH
We already did several things, which one thing did you have in mind that we not do.
Panel 4
DENISE
The thing where you say you'll call and you never do and I say I'll see you around but I won't because we'll both do our best to avoid one another.
SETH
You've got this all thought through haven't you?
Panel 5
SETH (leans into her space)
Denise Tribune you can share my bed, my house and my life until the day the sun grows cold and the stars float back to heaven.
Panel 6
They kiss

PAGE 9
SETH
But first come and meet the family. Rex, Eleanor, breakfast.
Panel 2
Two large brown mutts come racing into the house sliding across the kitchen tile.
Panel 3
SETH raises his right hand into a fist and the dogs sit obediently at either side of him.
Panel 4
SETH hands Denise a piece of sausage.
SETH
Call Rex, tell him to sit and then feed him the sausage. He'll be as smitten with you as I am.
Panel 5
DENISE
Do you have any other children.
SETH
I've got an old milk cow but she's sick and won't last the winter.

PAGE 10
Panel 1
DENISE
What time is it?
SETH
10:30
Panel 2
Denise
I've got to go I told my friend Marla I'd meet her for lunch in town.
SETH
I hope that isn't something people say.
Denise
No, no I, I'm coming back Seth, you couldn't keep me away. But I really have to go shower and change.
Panel 3
SETH
Feed Eleanor too so she won't get jealous please.

PAGE 11
Full Page while Denise is showering, hey this is still a PG-13 rated comic get your mind out of the gutter and cover the naughty bits with steam, Seth is downstairs standing up and reading.
In cursive we'll have this:
Hera, vexed by Heracles excesses, drove him mad. He first attacked his beloved nephew Iolaus, Iphicles's eldest son, who managed to escape his wild lunges; and then, mistaking six of his own children for enemies, shot them down, and flung their bodies into a fire.

Page 12
Two panels
Seth and Denise embrace again outside of the house in front of her little hippie Volkswagen.
Panel 2
Seth stands and watches her drive off into the distance

In cursive we'll have this: When Heracles recovered his sanity, he shut himself up in a dark chamber for some days, avoiding all human intercourse and then, after purification by King Thespius, went to Delphi, to inquire what he should do.

Page 13
Panel 1
Marla watches as Denise walks into the restaurant. It's one of those girl power places with lots of art, sculpture and small sandwiches.
MARLA (is a witch, and a granddaughter of the 60's. Make her look modern though with rainbow sunglasses.)
You've had sex.
DENISE
say it a little louder.
PANEL 2
MARLA
Oh the muggles can't hear us. Your aura is just radiant.
DENISE
I can't believe you got it that quick.
PANEL 3
MARLA
Honey, I'm a witch. I don't question the god's about my gifts and neither should you.
So what's he like.
DENISE
He's a one night stand. That's it.
PANEL 4
MARLA
Oh come on, Denisikins, you don't have one night stands. I wish you did, you'd be a whole lot healthier and more satisfied but that ain't you. I bet you've got the wedding colors all picked out.
DENISE
Stop it.
Panel 5
MARLA looks sullen
Panel 6
Denise
He's a carpenter. He's kind of dry, and charming in that stuffy English manner.
Panel 7
SETH back at the barn standing in front of the large bay doors in front of the barn.


Page 14
Panel 1
MARLA
And.
DENISE
And he's amazing in bed.
MARLA
Woof.
Panel 2
DENISE
I mean ... I mean ... my god.
MARLA
double woof. does he have a brother.
Panel 3
DENISE
Well we never got around to the family questions. He has a farm out in the sticks.
MARLA
Honey, did you sleep with a Cletus?
Panel 4
Denise
No. He's so sophisticated. So well read and educated.
MARLA
What does he do?
Panel 5
Denise
He's a carpenter.
Panel 6
SETH opens the barn door.
Panel 7
Seth walks into the barn. The walls are covered in ancient symbols, and talismans. The most prominent symbol is the same one Denise drew on the window pane earlier.

Page 15
Panel 1
Marla
So, what do you think? Is he it.
Denise
I don't know.
Panel 2
Marla
Yes you do. Women always know.
Denise
It's too soon.
Panel 3
Marla
Honey you ain't getting any more divorced. It's time to jump back into something exciting.
Denise
Maybe
Panel 4
Marla
I'm sure about it. You'll see what I mean.
Panel 5-7
SETH takes off his shirt, and jacket but still has on his black pants. He walks his bull to the middle of the barn and pulls out a bone handle knife

Page 16
Panel 1
Marla
What we need to do is consult the cards.
Denise
Quit it.
Panel 2
Marla
No the cards tend to prove these things out
Marla reaches into her purse
Panel 3
Marla
I always carry some for just such an occasion
Panel 4
Seth closes his eyes and folds his hands in meditation around the knife.
Panel 5
Seth slashes the bull throat.
Panel 6
The bull falls
Panel 7
Seth kneels before the bull.

Page 17
Panel 1
Marla slaps a card down on the table
Panel 2
The card is of The Emperor.
MARLA
This represents a strong powerful man. A loving father and a natural ruler.
Honey, the cards said you've done well.
Panel 3-7
SETH paints that circle star symbol (oh lets just call it a pentagram and be done) on his chest with blood. He makes an X in blood on his forehead and another X on the undersides of both of his wrists.

Page 18
Panel 1
Just the Card it's the high priestess.
VO MARLA
See, the cards say you should trust me and go with it. This guy is the one for you.
Panel 2-7
Seth prays over his slaughtered bull
SETH
Persephone, crocus in the snow, light and life of somber Hades' realm.
In the devotion of a mother and child, in welcoming sorrow, in comforting grief,
in joy awakened, in sweet homecoming, in these we know you, child of Demeter.
Persephone, queen of the underworld, Grace be upon thee
I ask a boon, beautiful one, a boon not for me but for my child which now grows in a mortal woman
May he be both strong and cunning quick and deadly
this is a harsh world, the gods have made dear Persephone
and may my son be unyielding to the scourges the surround him
may he bring quick death to the enemies that lie both above and below
Page 19
The final card full page is death
VO
DENISE
That doesn't look good.
MARLA
No, not it's not death it's change. It could be wonderful change or
DENISE
Or what?
MARLA
Or could be heartbreaking change. We'll just have to wait and see.

Savage Blog

In this issue of Savage Dragon the main character punches somebody through the back of his head.
Hyper violence, check. Superhero battle royal, check.
Subtle? Not in the least.

Erik Larsen has put out an issue of Savage Dragon about every month for 15 years. I've been buying them since middle school and have every issue. Even during the Great Comic Purge of 2007 when I sold most of my collection to get money for the marriage I couldn't part with Dragon.

I don't know what that says about me but some people just need 145 issues of a green guy with two toes on each foot and a fin on his head beating up bad guys.
Some creators want to do a lot of things, they start projects with grand plans and then give up midway. Or, the successful creators finish something quickly and move on to something else. Larsen has dedicated his adult life to chronicling the adventures of super strong hero with an amazing healing ability.
Ummm congrats? Well, at least he never had to answer to any editor, publishing company or accountant somewhere.
Larsen is fortunate enough, or smart enough or lucky enough to be able to follow his own particular muse wherever it may lead. In issue 75 he sent Dragon, the main character, to an alternate reality. Then he destroyed the old reality. He's killed dozens of supporting characters and villians over the years.
And if you are the kind of comic nerd who worries about continuity, well this ain't the book for you. But it's fun, you should check it out if you're bored with Spider-man. And at this point who isn't bored with Spider-man.
Savage Dragon Archives Volume 1 (v. 1)

The Force is with this Toast

I am but a simple journalist. I need only fresh air and good interviews. Pens to take notes with and decades old computers to hunt and peck on. But, above all other things, including oxygen, water and food I need a Darth Vader Toaster.

See, it's a toaster and the bread comes out with Anakin's mug on it. The only way this could be better is if he was doing that gay scream from Revenge of the Sith where Darth finds out that Padmé is deader than George Lucas's sense of what is appropriate in a Star Wars movie.

It makes you want to shake your stiff limbs at the stars and scream.
NOOOOOO!

Also, later I need coffee.

Criminal

The best single issue of 2008 is in this trade paperback.




Ed Brubaker's interlocking single issue tales lit a fire under his crime in the city comic book. The first two stories, Coward and Lawless, were both slow burns. But this issue crackles like an arson on the cheap side of town. If you're not an Amazon kind of guy and live in the Panama City area go see Greg at Comic Emporium. He'll find you this issue.

And and and if you're a crime guy or doll, a Sin City guy, a Goodfellas guy, or you watch COPS on the tv, then this is the issue for you. Well, maybe not cops but you get the idea.

If you get the trade the other issues add texture and are good, maybe great all by themselves. But issue 2 man, issue 2 will keep you up nights.

By the way, the issue is called "A Wolf Among Wolves."

Free Comics

Real live honest comic reviews start tomorrow. But till then, can I interest you in some Free Comics.

Steven Grant has two, one is great the other is just good. At least that's my judgment so far. You get a page of both every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Hollywood by the way is making a movie out of the good one. Which sounds just like them, go after the good and ignore the great.

Warren Ellis gives you Freakangels every Friday. I don't know how long he plans this, A long time I suppose from the interviews he has given. It'll take years just to get a good feel for the ginormous cast.

Gone With the Blastwave reminds me of something the head of the studio said to Francis Ford Coppola after the first Godfather. "You've got the recipe for Coca-Cola and you don't want to make more."

Max and the King

Max Lucado is one of the best Christian writers of his generation. In this small book he examines David the shephard boy, David the giant killer, David the warrior and David the King. There is a five year planned out television series in David's life, I'm amazed no one's made it yet.




Amazon's product description.

Giants. We must face them. Yet, we need not face them alone.

This profound look at the life of David digs deeply into the defeats he suffered, and the victories he won, as he faced the giants in his life. When David focused on God, giants tumbled. But when David focused on giants, he stumbled.

Goliaths still roam in our world. Debt. Disaster. Dialysis. Divorce. Deceit. Disease. Depression. These super-sized challenges swagger and strut into our lives, pilfering our sleep, embezzling our peace, and robbing us of our joy. And while these giants try to dominate our lives, we know what to do! We've learned what David learned, and we do what David did. We become God-focused. We pick up five stones. We make five decisions. And we take a swing.

Who are you? What do you want? Why are you here? Where are you going?

This is my second attempt at a blog. David reminded me of that fact in an e-mail earlier this week.
"Didn't you used to have another blog? that you never wrote in..." he wrote. Thanks for the vote of confidence there David. So yeah, I had another blog and it died a quick and bloody death.
But this time, things shall be different. My goal is to put something on the site every day for a year. I've left myself plenty of options for topics. We got reviews of comics, DVDs, television and other assorted junks. We got stories about life as a journalist and fiction.
We got ads.
Yeah, ads. I haven't written for free since college. I either got paid for it or write it with the possibility of selling it for great gobs of green. So the ads are an extension of that philosophy.
Viva La Capitalism.
In the reviews I will include a link to Amazon and if you click on the link and buy something I get a shiny nickel.
See, it's win win.
Anywho, we'll see how this goes. If you love what I'm doing comment below and tell your friends. If you hate it comment below and tell your friends to come here and point and laugh.

Here's an update schedule. Things are subject to change, acts of God and the muses.
Monday - Thursday
whatever comes to mind

Friday
Fast Fiction

Saturday
We read the web so you don't have to.

Sunday
Jesus and me

David is always right

I went to middle school with this guy named David. And then I went to high school with him. And then we were roommates in college. The thing you need to know about David is that he is always right.
Well, at least about television shows. When we were in middle school David was a huge Star Trek nerd, and I was like, 'that's crap dude, get a life.' Except, Star Trek The Next Generation was really good. And when I finally sat down to watch it I was annoyed at how much I liked it. Later, versions of Star Trek, not so much. Star Trek movies, rarely. But TNG yeah, that's some fine, fine space opera.
Anywho, when we were in college David used to park it on the couch every week and watch Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel, the dark avenger, or some such. And I was like, 'dude, I am not watching something called Buffy, The Vampire Slayer. There are a very small number of girls in this college who will go out on dates with me and but they will run away in horror if they find out I'm watching something with Buffy in the title.'
Except, that when I finally did sit down to watch it I discovered that it was great. David also knows more about women than I do because after I got married I confessed that I loved Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
She was mortified.
Until I made her watch it. We ended up buying the complete series. Sometimes she sings the musical episode to me. I like to do reenactments from the silent episode. We have arguments about whether or not Season 5 of Angel is the best season of television ever.
The answer is yes, followed closely by Season 4 of Babylon 5 and any season of the Simpsons where Conan O'Brien was still on staff.

Anyway, David is always right. You may return to what you were doing.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer - Collector's Set (40 discs)

Angel - Seasons 1-5 30-Disc DVD Set

Star Trek: The Next Generation - Complete Series

Saturday on the Internets

Leonard Pitts, America's Greatest Living Columnist tm., has a chat with God.

In another sign of the financial apocalypse or Finocalypse the folks over at Get Rich Slowly tell you what to do before you get laid off.

Warren Ellis has a shiny new comic coming out ... Someday.

Hey, you know that screenplay you've been working on for the last decade. It should have been done in three months, tops.

The Macalope is a scary half mac half antelope. I fear his Frankenstein like maker. Also, he cuts through the bull.

LOLJocks becomes an internet celebrity. Almost.

Goodness that was quick. Matt Taibbi becomes the first hard core lefty to go after Obama.

Roger Ebert takes down Ben Stein with the power of his mind.

Seth Godin says personal blogs still have a shot. Yes!

And Finally, The Most Import Thing on the Internets this week: Katie Couric's hair.

Fast Fiction Friday

For the considerable future a better name for this would be old fiction Friday. But, I have some stuff that has been sitting around in a drawer for years. I might as well put it out here. Feel free to point and laugh as you see fit.

THE LOCATION OF MUSES

The Atlanta coffee bar was proof that cloning existed.
College boys and girls sat in neat little rows behind glowing Macbooks and spoke to each other in quiet tones about bands, art and sex. They all wore contact lenses that turned their eyes green and chatted with accents that denied their Georgia, Alabama and north Florida roots.
Except for Brandon and Emil.
They tried to fit in but they were not expert imitators, yet.
"Look I just need two hours back in her apartment," Brandon said
before slurping his frappachino.
"I just don't get it man, she's got a restraining order on you, this could be bad," Emil said.
Emil had two glassfuls of diet Coke that he was slurping quickly and
refilling nearly as fast.
"Hey, trust me. It's a solid plan. I'm the thinker here," Brandon
said. "You just lure her away for four hours. That will give me enough time to finish the book."
Emil pointed nervously at Brandon's computer.
"There you go, finish it, what's the deal with her apartment?" he said.
"I don't know," Brandon hissed. He noticed his fellow clones giving him questioning looks and immediately resumed a small voice.
"I don't know. The first night Jennifer let me stay there I wrote three chapters," he said. "In the month we were together I nearly finished my novel. And it's great, I mean it's not just good, not average it's great I've got two chapters to go and then I swear to you fame and fortune are not far behind. But I just got to get back into Jen's apartment to do it."
Emil scratched his beard and pushed his glasses back from the tip of
his nose. Emil had been Brandon's pal since they were in middle school
together. The bonded over Star Trek: The Next Generation and comic books.
"Man they'll put you under the jail if you break that restraining
order again," Emil said weakly.
In their entire friendship Emil had never won an argument. He was going to lose this one too.
"I don't care," Brandon snarled. "I haven't been able to write anywhere else and I have to finish this."
Emil shifted in his chair and switched tactics.
"If I can get her to go out with me, serious if, what will we do for
four hours to keep her occupied?"
"Just let her talk about herself," Brandon said. "Jennifer is Jennifer's favorite subject."
Emil called, as instructed, on a Thursday. Jennifer recognized his voice as a man from the shadows of the scene. The girls thought him cute but unlawfully quiet. She said yes to the free dinner.
After Brandon watched her leave he was overjoyed to find that she had
not yet changed the locks.
"Thank God she's cheap," he said to himself.
To Emil's surprise Jen gave him plenty of signals that she liked him.
They talked about parents - overprotective and needy, jobs- she didn't
want one, she would settle for being a model, old relationships - Emil talked about an ex who tried to kill him with a butter knife. It was an old joke he told well.
However, he didn't add the part of the story that changed it from a joke to a painful memory.
"When she went nuts and came at my neck with the dull blade, I deserved every bit of her wrath," he thought and did not say. She told him about her crazy ex Brandon and Emil laughed in all the right spots.
"So he just wouldn't leave," she said. "I mean we broke up, he cried, I cried we had the goodbye sex and then he didn't leave. He just sat down and continued writing on that damn computer.
"So I let it go for a while. But he kept showing up. I mean he didn't bother me, didn't try to screw me, he just came in, sat down at the dining room table and wrote."
"What's he writing?" Emil asked.
"He wouldn't tell me. He just said it was a novel," she said. "I think that's part of what drove me nuts. He just sat there, with all the personality of a log and wrote. I mean it got ridiculous. I had a party, there he was. I had a boy over, there he was.
"One time I had a five friends over and slept with a new guy that my sister brought over. It was a big step for me to finally get over Brandon. And I woke up the next morning, went upstairs to cook my eggs and the bastard was there, writing, he'd been there the whole night."
"And that's when you put the restraining order?" Emil said.
"Yea, how'd you know about that?" she said.
"Well, it's just logical I mean he's obviously nuts," he covered.
Jen gave Emil a hard stare. Then she shrugged, her red hair fell in
her eyes just a little bit.
"He's more than nuts, the boy's loco," Jen said as she reached for
one of Emil's french fries.
What she left unsaid was that at times she still missed Brandon and
that made her hate him more.
When they got to her door Emil wrapped his arms around Jen and kissed
her softly. He did it without a word or a warning or even a wink. She ran her fingers through his hair and when the kiss was finished she licked his upper lip to let him know she meant business. Then they opened the door and saw Brandon sitting at the kitchen table typing.
Jen looked at Emil who did not look as surprised as he should have and suddenly she understood the phone call and the conversation.
"Bastard," she said as she punched Emil in the chest. Then she ran to the stairs weeping. She tripped over her own legs but caught herself on the banister. Moments later disappeared behind her bedroom door.
Emil looked at Brandon pitifully.
"Ass, I was gonna get laid," he said.
"Sorry," Brandon said.
"It's been five hours why aren't you gone?" Emil said.
"I added an epilogue. When the cops come I need you to stall them."
"I don't stall cops, cops have tasers, and pepper spray and guns."
"Another thirty minutes and I'll be done, I can feel it, it's coming
to a head," Brandon's voice sang with excitement but he kept his gaze
and his fingers locked onto the computer.
Emil crumpled to the floor in defeat. When the two large city patrolmen walked into the apartment Jen came out of her bedroom with a victorious look on her face.
"That one is breaking a restraining order and please take his friend with you when you go."
The lead cop placed a beefy hand on Brandon's shoulder and spoke with
whiny authority.
"Let's go."
Brandon looked up at the man in blue.
"I've got two sentences left here just please give me a minute," he
pleaded. "Son, you need to get up and go with me right now before
something bad happens."
Brandon turned back to the computer and began typing furiously.
"I can't I'm almost done," he said. The cop yanked him out of his
seat and nearly across the room. Emil instinctively jumped up and went
for the officer's chest. And that's when both officers went for their
night sticks.
Broken, handcuffed and bleeding from multiple wounds Emil and Brandon
we're escorted out into the cold night air.
As he was being put into the back of a cruiser Emil turned to Brandon.
"What's your novel about?" he asked.
"Spies."

Sold Out

No, This isn't a photo of me. Shut up.

I almost hyperventilated from laughter last night.
Kevin Smith's newest stand up movie, Sold Out: A Threevening with Kevin Smith, sent me into uncontrollable laughing fits. I had to pause a couple of times for fear of a fat guy meltdown.
Each of his stand up movies have had the same effect on me and they are pound for pound funnier than any of his movies. I mean Chasing Amy is his best work but on these he brings the funny.
Smith, is the writer director of Clerks, Chasing Amy, Dogma and others. On the Evening series he talks frankly, some would say too frankly, about his life, working with movie stars and fat guy medical problems. Each movies is four hours, then dozens of extra moments are included in the DVD. So you get, well, a ton of Lunch Box talking and sweating.
It is the truth, capital T, uncut and uncensored. A big part of his appeal is that despite the fame, money and assorted craziness that comes with being a movie director Smith has managed to stay normal. Well, at least he pretends to be normal and brings a normal guy perspective to Hollywood. Like any great writer Smith watches what is going on around him and then reports back on what he has seen and heard. He's a lot like William Goldman, the screenwriter behind Misery, All The President's Men, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and The Princess Bride. Goldman wrote two books about his experiences, Adventures in the Screen Trade and Which Lie Did I Tell: More Adventures in the Screen Trade. Both are must owns for all you wannabee writer, actors and directors.
For the record, in Threevening Hayden Christensen and Paris Hilton get smacked down but Bruce Willis gets all kinds of love.
I should issue a warning though. When I was a teenager my cousins rented Dumb and Dumber and we all sat down and watched it together one December eve. They loved it and laughed like I did last night. I didn't laugh once during the abominable thing. I thought then and still think today that it is one of worst movies ever made.
Which is one way of saying what may send me into uncontrollable laughing fits may do nothing for you.
Second warning, Kevin Smith, is a fan of gross out humor and coarse language. If you can't sit through that kind of stuff stay far, far away.
By the way, Smith may be the bravest man in America. Because I can imagine telling some of these stories to friends or co-workers.
But there's no way I could have done it with my mom in the room.


Useless IMDB Trivia: The filming for this Q&A performance took place during a 7 1/2 hour performance -- no stopping!

An Evening with Kevin Smith

An Evening With Kevin Smith 2 - Even ing Harder

Sold Out: A Threevening With Kevin Smith

Quotes

I got yelled at for posting all of the quotes from my colleagues that are gathered throughout the year. So, I deleted that post and decided on a different path. Here are the quotes from me and Tony in the newsroom from the past several years. The quotes are added by consensus so just know that Tony and I usually had no say in whether or not they were added.

"You know, every time an artist finishes a drawing, an angel gets its wings." - Brady Calhoun...Dec. 11, 2006

"I'd bid a dollar for a red crowbar." - Brady Calhoun...Jan. 22, 2007

"You can't even vote. Why the hell am I talking to you?" Brady Calhoun to Kim ... July 25, 2008

"Because they know Will will fold like a house of cards." Brady Calhoun… July 30, 2008

"They'll disappear your ass in China." Brady Calhoun... August 7, 2008

"I sensed a medium disturbance [referring to Tropical Storm Fay, which did absolutely no damage in Bay County]." Brady Calhoun… August 27, 2008

"This town isn't voting for Barack Obama. He could've chosen Jesus wrapped in Ghandi." Brady Calhoun, talking about Obama's choice of VP, August 27, 2008

"The stripper's mail is in the street." Brady Calhoun… October 1, 2008

"Why is it news when somebody wraps around a pole at the Golden Nugget." Tony, October 1, 2008

"I'd shoot you for a five dollar dinner Kim." Brady Calhoun… October 10, 2008

"Sometimes I should shut up." Brady Calhoun… October 17, 2008

Zombie sex is pretty high up on the list." Brady Calhoun… October 23, 2008

"I have papers from the Challenger disaster and they're falling apart." Tony, November 6, 2008

"You people are sick and twisted and I'm glad I know you." Tony, November 6, 2008

"You've got reflexes like a man who's only had one heart attack." Brady Calhoun… November 6, 2008

"I go where the joke is. I'll even make fun of crackers." Tony, November 19, 2008

"I wouldn't lie to you about an orgy. I'm not Bill Clinton, I don't lie about sex." Brady Calhoun… November 21, 2008

"I'm all about that Catholocism stuff. I like the costumes." Tony, November 11, 2008

"I speak Cracker." Tony, November 26, 2008

You can read more of Tony's ramblings here

Still Funny after all these years

Duck Soup

As the chairwoman of the reception committee, I welcome you with open arms.
Is that so? How late do you stay open?
I've sponsored your appointment because I feel you are the most able statesman in all of Freedonia.
Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it. I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't leave in a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know you haven't stopped talking since I came here. You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

Groucho, the life and times of Julius Henry Marx, by Stefan Kanfer. Kanfer presents the full man funny and sad. From his poor childhood in New York City to fame and fortune as the wittiest movie star of the last century.
Groucho couldn't turn the insults off. He was Groucho, the huckster of Duck Soup, Animal Crackers and dozens of others all the time. As you can imagine that strained his business relationships and destroyed three marriages.
Like Superman Groucho discovered that simple disguises were the best. His big painted on mustaches, glasses and a cigar were Groucho's cape and cowl.
Anyway, the book is a great read, I recommend it. Besides the movies and the family stuff you get biographies on Chico, Harpo and Zeppo for free. Chico always needed money and women. Zeppo was as boring off screen as he was on screen and Harpo. Harpo was crazy.
I leave you with my favorite Groucho story.
Groucho took his daughter to a swimming club but the anti-Semites refused them admission.
"She's only half Jewish," he said. "How about if she only goes in up to her waist?"

Groucho: The Life and Times of Julius Henry Marx

Teen Wolf and Teen Wolf Too

This blog is essentially going to function as an extension of conversations I have every day in the newsroom. Newsrooms are a collection of nerds who gripe about movies, music, video games and television. So, it's a lot like your workplace that way.

I've been talking about Teen Wolf a lot lately. Don't know why but it's been on my mind.
I like this movie because I like this type of werewolf. In Teen Wolf Scott Howard (Michael J. Fox) is mostly in control of the wolf. He can change back and forth at will though the moon makes him angrier or something. As a werewolf he essentially has superpowers.
And how does he use these new found abilities? He scores with the hottest chick in school, rides on top of his friend's van and helps the basketball team win.
YES.
I mean, isn't that pretty much what you would do with superpowers too? You damn sure wouldn't be out helping the helpless or what not. The movie also used the werewolf thing as a metaphor for the changes teenagers go through two decades before Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
In the end Michael learns an important lesson about friendship and being himself which for some reason means he must play basketball as a normal person and dump the hottest chick in school.
Whatever.

James Hampton is really good as the dad. The wacky coach is extra wacky and the sleazy friend is somewhat funny. In a related note the chubby guy (Chubby) still appears in stuff. He was in Days of Our Lives recently.

Useless IMDB TRIVIA
Since this movie was released after Back to the Future (1985) in Brazil, "Teen Wolf" received the title "Garoto do Futuro" ("Boy from the Future") there, even though the plot has nothing to do with time travel whatsoever.


Teen Wolf Too is the exact same movie, except with boxing and Jason Bateman. If you buy one you might as well have the other.

Teen Wolf & Teen Wolf Too

Fat Guy with a gun

Andrew Wardlow can shoot some pretty pictures. Anywho, that's me firing an MP5. The guy behind me is a sergeant with the Bay County Sheriff's Office. He and other SWAT team members use this as their primary weapon. It's got no kick and fires 30 rounds in 2.5 seconds. In the words of Quentin Tarantino, "When you've absolutely got to kill every mother------ in the room."
Anyway, there was a TV girl there and she shot first. TV Girls all look alike to me. Blond, thin wisps who carry around 50 pounds worth of camera equipment everywhere they go. One of the deputies who was assisting nestled up next to the TV Girl as she shot. He put his arm around her back and did everything but blow kisses in her ear.
His boss was standing nearby as I got up to shoot.
"Are you going to hold him to?" he asked.
"Hell no. I was just afraid she was going to fall over."

Sure.
You know fat guys need love too.